Cleaning Out

I have been sick over 2 weeks. It's been a long and boring stretch.

I have my first day of half energy today. I'm realizing I still have a lot of junk to clean out. I did some of it little by little while I was sick. Old relationships that lacked closure and tidying up. It seemed like in the past, I always had many doors open in case the relationship did not work out. In the last week, I have talked to 3 exes from various parts of my life that were always sort of hanging on in one way or another. It feels good to close the door and still have the friendship and good feelings there. I feel we can all go where we need to go now without confusion or bad feelings.

I am trying to minimalize as much as possible. It seems like I have been throwing stuff out of my house for 3 years. I'm taking what I hope is the final sweep through before listing the house for sale. Basically, I am OK with selling anything and everything now. I was more attached to certain items before because I had put so much time and care into picking each item out. But now I am seeing that kept me from really living my life. I was so obsessed with everything looking just right - it was only a distraction with how messy my life was on the inside.

I remember a friend of mine sold everything he owned a few years ago and started completely over. He kept a bed, a chair and a few books. It was startling to go to his new flat with nothing there. But it was quite freeing for him, and I have watched him really evolve in the years since.

It seems I am always in a hurry to have everything change, but nothing became this way overnight. I feel that these last years have been an unraveling of all I covered my true self up with - mostly material, petty things. The more I let go of, the better I feel.