As I mentioned in a previous post, I made the mistake of contacting my former father-in-law.

I have tried for so many years to forgive him, and I just can't.

I'm still holding on the blame that I have for him, which I expressed again on Saturday.

I had a thought this morning that had not occured to me before.

Yes, he is to blame for how he raised his son, and his actions have directly affected me. I will always believe that. Although holding on to my anger does not serve me.

What I need to remember is that I made a choice, day by day, to stay with his son, despite all the things he continuously did to me.

At one point, my ex sent me a text telling me I needed to get over my unresolved anger issues. My partner read it and said, yes, as long as he continues to do the same things, you have unresolved issues.

What I am taking away from this is that I always have a choice. I don't have to engage with my ex or his father. I don't really need to have much to do with either anymore. I can't control their actions, and I think there will always be some amount of craziness involved in the choices my ex makes. So I have to stop believing he can ever be a different person than who he has showed himself to be. And I have to just take responsiblity for what I can control, which is me, and the choices I make.