Ojibway Prayer

We had Native American Sunday today at church and I really liked this prayer:

Grandfather-Grandmother, look at our brokenness. We know that in all creation only the human family has strayed from the Sacred Way. We know that we are the ones who are divided and we are the ones who must come back together to walk in the Sacred Way. Grandfather, Grandmother, Sacred One, teach us love, compassion, and honor that we may heal the earth and heal each other.

- Ojibway Prayer

Diary of a Mad Black Woman

I have been slowly renting all the Tyler Perry movies I can get my hands on, and this was one of my favorites. My kids and I have both grown to love Madea. Not only is she hysterically funny, but there is a lot of truth in these movies. I found myself sobbing at this one. It hit pretty close to home. My house isn't nearly that nice, but I recognized myself in the lifestyle trap of the main character (the mad black woman!). I also saw my own bitterness and anger at my situation. I have been trying to get past that through various methods. I noticed at church the other week when we were reciting the Lord's Prayer, that my voice sort of caught on the part about "as we forgive those who trespass against us..." So I have been going back to some of my old standbys like the Tao and You can heal your life. But somehow I think the mixture of the hysterical laughter and the sobs did more for me than any of that has lately.

Ramadan Karim

Ramadan has begun so I thought I would reflect on a few of my goals for the month.

Last year I was not able to fast the full time because of migraines and blood sugar issues. I was very underweight so I am hoping this year will be better. I want to try to fast a much as possible because this is an important aspect of the month. The idea is to really feel empathy for those who are truly unable to eat because of their financial restrictions. And you can't really feel this without experiencing it yourself.

I also want to focus on my diet. I am very lax about eating pork lately. I used to follow this dietary restriction (similar to Jewish laws) but I have just been lazy. So no pork and no alcohol. Both of these should be very good for me. Another aspect of Ramadan is to clean out your body. I always feel great when the month is over.

I hope to read the entire Koran again and get back to my prayers. I pray in my head a lot, but I have not been doing the traditional Muslim prayers, which are beautiful. I have heard it said that in Christianity, prayer is about getting your needs met and in Islam it is about worshiping God. I find this very true and I think I can say that as a Christian-Muslim. There are beautiful aspects of both faiths and I am very grateful to be a part of both.

I also want to spend time with other Muslim families. At night I'd like to make some special dinners for my kids and other guests. This is a wonderful time to reconnect with some people who are very special to me.

Lastly, I am really hoping to refrain from arguing with my husband. This is a huge drain on me. When you show hatred or contempt, you break your fast. The traditional response when someone tries to bait you during Ramadan is to say "I am fasting". As many times as it takes for the person to leave you alone.

I am really struggling to both speak my truth and be as kind as possible. It is difficult when my husband is constantly reading my blog. But I have challenged myself to do it anyway. I will try to stay on the positive side this month. My nerves are shot and there is no money in the bank. So perhaps this will be the most trying test for me.



The following appeared on Boston.com:
Headline: Observing Ramadan
Date: Aug 22, 2009

"Muslim faithful throughout the world are currently observing the holy month of Ramadan. Observant Muslims participate in fasting (sawm), one of the five pillars of their faith, this entire Lunar month (this year it extends from September 1st to the 30th). Eating, drinking, smoking and sexual activity is prohibited from dawn until sunset, when the fast is broken with the evening meal called Iftar. Local customs define varying traditions, including differing types of food used to break the daily fast. The fasting is meant to teach a person patience, humility and sacrifice, to set aside time to ask forgiveness, practice self-restraint, and pray for guidance in the future."
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To see this recommendation, click on the link below or cut and paste it
into a Web browser:

The picture above is from this site and there are many other beautiful pictures featured here showing Muslims during Ramadan around the world.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/observing_ramadan.html?s_campaign=8315

Damn! I mean, thank you!

I went to my Alanon meeting today and it was helpful. It made me realize that I have a lot of things in common with the other people in my situation. The inability to trust that God will take care of me. Hating change. Wanting to just stay in the dark instead of fixing things.

There was also a woman who spoke about her favorite 5-word Prayer. Damn! I mean, thank you! I really liked that.

Prayer Flags

We headed to church yesterday after a few weeks off from our beach and camping trips. I'm very glad we did because we had a special service where we all created prayer flags.

They team up all the kids with elderly people in the church so they all have a special friend called a Grand-Friend. My son's Grand-Friend was out of town, so they teamed him up with another woman. My daughter is too young for this program, so we went to sit with them and we made our flags. She was a lovely woman who had recently moved here with her husband from the Bay Area. We had a very nice talk about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and many, many books. I have just finished re-reading A Farewell to Arms, and I had forgotten how good (and funny and sad) parts of it were. There were also a lot of good quotes on war. "There is a class that controls a country that is stupid and does not realize anything and never can. That is why we have this war."

We talked about the book and some of the other books I have for the kids, one being Why War is Never a Good Idea by Alice Walker. She has grandkids so she wanted to check them out.

She did a flag for peace. My son did two flags. One said, "Dear God, thank you for the Earth and for food." The other read, "Dear God, thank you for our bodies and fun."

My daughter scribbled on three and asked me to write "Daddy" on them.

Afterwards we put all the flags together on a long string and hung them up outside. We said a special prayer together and went back into the sanctuary to finish the service.

We took a look at the vegetable garden and could not believe how big some of them had gotten! The cucumbers were enormous! It is looking more and more like a real garden. The vegetable garden is a project the kids have worked on to benefit the food bank at our church.

My dad came over to take my son on a bike ride, and my daughter and I had a quiet afternoon.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I have not been sleeping well, so I don't think that's been helping. Sometimes I can just forget about everything and enjoy my life in spite of it, and other days everything just hits me hard.

When we talked about the different kinds of prayer in church, all the kids said what they did when they prayed. Most of them talked about praying with their fathers. Somehow that just hit me. I have a lot of memories of praying with my dad. We always said grace before meals and he came and said a prayer with me every night before bed. It just made me really sad.

The kids had wanted to call their dad in the morning, but he didn't answer. They tried a few times and then I sent him a text letting him know they were trying to call him. No response all day. I texted him again in the early evening and was like, are you planning to talk to your kids today? Finally he called around 7 and couldn't understand why I wasn't thrilled. I told him it wasn't just not talking to him today, they hadn't seen him all week. He started with the excuses, and I told him that he didn't see them break down over it and he had no idea what it was like. He said I need to be more supportive of him. I told him I was as supportive of him as I could be right now. He's still in San Francisco with his friends.