Family Reunion

We had our family reunion yesterday for my mom's side of the family.

It was so hard for me to go knowing this would likely be the last year for both my grandma and my great grandma.

My great grandmother latched on to me each time I hugged her with forceful squeezes. She has never been much of a hugger, so I knew she was thinking the same thing I was. It is difficult for her to hear much of anything anymore, so it's hard to carry on a conversation that doesn't consist of me yelling and her saying, "What? What?" to everything directed at her. The most content she seemed all afternoon was when my cousins' 2 year old sat on her lap and played with her necklaces. No conversation was needed. She sat there and smiled at her and the girl smiled back.

For the most part, it was just nice to sit by her side and know she was still there.

My grandmother's cancer has spread everywhere now. It's in her brain and she has an enormous tumor sticking out of her collar bone that is difficult to even look at. She gave in and started some radiation a few weeks ago, as it was the only way to prolong the inevitable. She started to lose her hair yesterday, which was very difficult for her to accept. She has always been a beautiful and well-kept woman. She told me she was going to go out and get a "damned sexy" wig with real hair.

She is keeping a good humor about it all. She does not complain and she hates for anyone to feel sorry for her. She told me she was lucky. The bulging tumor could have been on her face or somewhere that was even more obvious.

It is so difficult for me to watch a woman who has always been in motion, who raised 5 children and many grandchildren, slow down. She was exhausted yesterday, but she wanted to do this picnic for our family, as we have done every year. I am so grateful that she has her boyfriend there and my uncle to take care of her every need. They both adore her.

I didn't see my grandmother's boyfriend until about half way through the party. He was busy taking care of everything so my grandmother wouldn't have to. I asked him how he was doing, and he buckled up and said he was holding in there. I looked him in the eye and told him, "Thank you for taking such good care of my grandma." He started to choke up and nearly lost it. We embraced for a very long time.

They have been together for at least 10-15 years. It took a long time for me to accept him because no one is ever going to be my grandpa. However, over the years, I have come to love him and appreciate how much he loves my grandmother. My kids consider him their grandpa. He's what they have known and he's good to them. He's been good to all of us.

I seem to be breaking up over this grandmother more than the death of the other. I suppose I thought her death was natural and her time had come. But I don't feel that way here. It seems her life has been cut so short, and so unfairly. It is a hard thing for me to accept, but I know I will have to soon.

For now, I am just grateful to have the family that I have. I am trying to appreciate the time that I have had with my gradmother and her mother - and spend as much time with them as possible before it is too late.