Counseling

I have decided to go and get some counseling - both individually and with my ex.

I had gone on a small dose of antidepressants several months back, but decided they weren't for me. I've always sort of had a bias against them and it went against my own principles to even take them in the first place.

Life can be hard, but you have to work through those issues on your own. Anti-depressants just stop all the feeling, and that is not natural. I fear our society puts people on pills too quickly and many people end up staying on them forever. I don't feel confident about the long-term effects of these drugs, nor do I trust the pharmaceutical companies. I want to live as naturally as possible.

I have many friends who are on anti-depressants, and I respect their choice. Sometimes they are very necessary. For me, though, I don't think they are right.

In any case, I have been thing about seeing someone for a while now. I haven't wanted to start over with someone, as my counselor passed away many months back. But there are a few things I know I need to work through.

For one, I know I have been hardened by the last 8 years. I have learned to stick up for myself, but I tend to go too far in the other direction now. It seems like the only thing that worked with my ex was for me to get very worked up and scream and yell. This is not for me. This is not how I want to deal with people. It doesn't serve me.

My ex has been asking me to go with him on the premise that we are going to have to learn how to deal with each other because of the kids. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't feel like there is so much unresolved issues between us as that he continually does the same things he promises not to do. To me, when someone is sorry, they stop what they are doing. I have given up on him changing as a person. Perhaps the counseling will just help me to deal with him better as he is.