Showing posts with label Mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mothers. Show all posts
Monday, January 2, 2012
A Fair Wage
"The US company Salary.com estimated that a fair wage for a typical stay at home parent would be $134,471 a year." - Riane Eisler, The Real Wealth of Nations
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Mothering
"In the end, I didn't need to be the mother of all mothers. All I had to be was what I am, what most people are, a person who learns." - Hilda Raz
Friday, December 24, 2010
Women in Islam
Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that a man came to Allah's Apostle and said,
"O Allah's Apostle, who is most worthy of my best companionship and most honorable treatment?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man asked, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further asked, "Who is next?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man asked for the third time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father." [Narrated by Bukhari]
"O Allah's Apostle, who is most worthy of my best companionship and most honorable treatment?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man asked, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further asked, "Who is next?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man asked for the third time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father." [Narrated by Bukhari]
Monday, May 10, 2010
Making Peace with my Mother
It has been very healing for me to look back at old photos these last few weeks.
I made peace with my mother years ago. I let go of the childish expectations and grievances I had with her. I learned to accept and love her as she was, which was actually a gift to me - and to my children.
However, there was still a small child-part of me that wondered about the depth of her love for me as a child.
Perhaps I was not ready to see it years ago, when my grandmother gave me the boxes of family pictures. I looked through all but one.
Last week, I opened the box that contained the pictures of me as a young child. Most of the photos were me with my mother. And the look in her eyes said everything I needed to know.
Because now I know her as a person, and I know that the look she gave me, picture after picture, was love and pure adoration.
I made peace with my mother years ago. I let go of the childish expectations and grievances I had with her. I learned to accept and love her as she was, which was actually a gift to me - and to my children.
However, there was still a small child-part of me that wondered about the depth of her love for me as a child.
Perhaps I was not ready to see it years ago, when my grandmother gave me the boxes of family pictures. I looked through all but one.
Last week, I opened the box that contained the pictures of me as a young child. Most of the photos were me with my mother. And the look in her eyes said everything I needed to know.
Because now I know her as a person, and I know that the look she gave me, picture after picture, was love and pure adoration.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Blessing for All Mothers
We said this prayer together at church this morning and I thought it was beautiful and inclusive.
Today we bless mothers who sat up all night with sick toddlers saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here.
Today we bless mothers who gave birth to babies they may never see. And the mothers who took those babies forever to be their own children.
Today we bless mothers who attended ball games, recitals, rehearsals, etc. etc. and said, "I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and meant it.
Today we bless mothers who show up for work with milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
Today we bless mothers who put pinwheels, teddy bears, or flowers on children's graves.
Today we bless mothers whose children have gone astray, who haven't the words to reach them, and yet have never put them from their heart.
Today we bless new mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And today we bless mature mothers who are learning to let go.
Today we bless all mothers: working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, single mothers, and married mothers. We also bless all women in life giving and nurturing roles. We thank you. We honor you. We bless you. Amen.
- adapted from a prayer of Dan Bottorff
Today we bless mothers who sat up all night with sick toddlers saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here.
Today we bless mothers who gave birth to babies they may never see. And the mothers who took those babies forever to be their own children.
Today we bless mothers who attended ball games, recitals, rehearsals, etc. etc. and said, "I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and meant it.
Today we bless mothers who show up for work with milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
Today we bless mothers who put pinwheels, teddy bears, or flowers on children's graves.
Today we bless mothers whose children have gone astray, who haven't the words to reach them, and yet have never put them from their heart.
Today we bless new mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And today we bless mature mothers who are learning to let go.
Today we bless all mothers: working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, single mothers, and married mothers. We also bless all women in life giving and nurturing roles. We thank you. We honor you. We bless you. Amen.
- adapted from a prayer of Dan Bottorff
This Mother's Day....
Battered Women Take Custody Battles to White House
By Mary Darcy
WeNews correspondent
Friday, May 7, 2010
Battered mothers often shy away from publicity. But this year, in a sign of their growing organization, some plan to spend Mother's Day in Washington in a White House vigil to draw attention to a court system that often gives custody to abusers.
(WOMENSENEWS)--On Mother's Day, busloads of battered moms and advocates for abused children will roll into Washington, D.C.
They'll hold a vigil outside the White House in an effort to persuade President Obama to take up their cause of reforming a family court system that they say all too often puts children into the hands of abusive parents.
For some it marks a new and somewhat frightening degree of public exposure. Some of the protesters will be shrouded in scarves, hiding from their abusers or a court system they fear will punish them for speaking out.
"They're whistleblowers," said vigil organizer Connie Valentine, policy director for The California Protective Custody Association, based in Sacramento. "The system doesn't look kindly on whistleblowers. It's a difficult situation because we have seen enormous judicial retaliation against mothers who step up in front of the problem."
Efforts to quantify the problem are just beginning but protective parents claim it is widespread. A study done by the Williamsburg, Va.-based American Judges Foundation in the early 1990s showed that in 70 percent of challenged cases, battering parents involved in custody battles persuaded authorities the victimized parent was unfit for sole custody, according to a spokesperson from the foundation.
Valentine and other advocates for protective parents call the family courts broken and corrupt and say the system not only puts children into the hands of abusive parents, it also bankrupts and punishes the protective parents who fight for them. At the same time, they say it's hard to reform the system because the people it hurts are hiding from abusers and anxious to avoid publicity.
Shifting Ground
But Valentine feels the ground shifting. "I think we're in the early stages of a civil rights movement for protecting children from physical and sexual abuse."
She said the Internet is helping battered mothers come together. "E-mail has helped. It's a good part of the reason for all of the advocacy," Valentine said. "Women are beginning to see that it's not their fault and that they are just pawns in the game."
Mo Hannah, psychology professor at Siena College, near Albany, N.Y., used the Internet to organize the first annual conference for battered women seeking custody in 2004, after her own difficult custody battle.
This past January marked the seventh gathering, which meets annually in Albany and is the major organizing and networking event of the year for protective parents.
"The first conference was about getting people to talk and validate their experiences," Hannah said. "But as the conferences continued it became very clear that we needed a national movement. Now the conference is just sort of an umbrella or structure that encourages people to share with each other."
Over the seven years, women have met at the conference and formed smaller groups, such as the Massachusetts Protective Mothers for Custodial Justice.
"Mass Moms," as it has come to be known, brings together women who have gone through custody battles with those currently in the throes. Volunteers accompany women to court and on lawyer visits and play a general shepherding role.
"We stand next to a woman who is fighting for her children while she pleads and receives orders," one Mass Mom told Women's eNews at January's Battered Mothers Custody Conference.
These volunteers have all been through their own custody battles and declined to be named for fear of retribution from their ex-husbands or the court system. Many have gag orders associated with their own cases. It is this type of fear of retribution that has helped keep the protective parents movement under the radar.
The California Protective Custody Association's Valentine understands the fear that keeps women from protesting and fighting the bigger battles.
"I waited until my own children were grown so we weren't affected by the family court system," she said.
Valentine says advocates and organizers need to study and replicate the successful civil rights campaigns of the past.
"Slavery was ended with a good law but slavery wasn't ended because a good law happened to come about. The law happened because huge masses of people put their lives on the line and fought for it," Valentine said.
This year "Mass Moms" is preparing to add some more public activism to their advocacy with a demonstration taking place in Boston on a date to be announced soon. In what they're planning to call "Confetti," the moms will symbolically shred court-appointed guardian reports--which they feel are particularly unfair to protective parents--into little bits and toss them at the statehouse to call attention to the plight of protective mothers fighting for custody of their children.
In New York City, a group called V.O.W., or Voices of Women, has been working within the court system to try to provide legal counsel and one-on-one help for women. On a wider scale its mission is to "promote long-term systemic change by documenting institutional failures, testifying at hearings, creating position papers and meeting with local and state officials."
Both Valentine and Hannah say this is the right time to take the movement to the next level.
"The new president is a fatherless man with a good wife and they will hear us," said Valentine. "And if they don't hear us, Vice President Joe Biden worked on the violence against women act and he will hear us. And if they don't hear us we will keep going until they do hear us."
By Mary Darcy
WeNews correspondent
Friday, May 7, 2010
Battered mothers often shy away from publicity. But this year, in a sign of their growing organization, some plan to spend Mother's Day in Washington in a White House vigil to draw attention to a court system that often gives custody to abusers.
(WOMENSENEWS)--On Mother's Day, busloads of battered moms and advocates for abused children will roll into Washington, D.C.
They'll hold a vigil outside the White House in an effort to persuade President Obama to take up their cause of reforming a family court system that they say all too often puts children into the hands of abusive parents.
For some it marks a new and somewhat frightening degree of public exposure. Some of the protesters will be shrouded in scarves, hiding from their abusers or a court system they fear will punish them for speaking out.
"They're whistleblowers," said vigil organizer Connie Valentine, policy director for The California Protective Custody Association, based in Sacramento. "The system doesn't look kindly on whistleblowers. It's a difficult situation because we have seen enormous judicial retaliation against mothers who step up in front of the problem."
Efforts to quantify the problem are just beginning but protective parents claim it is widespread. A study done by the Williamsburg, Va.-based American Judges Foundation in the early 1990s showed that in 70 percent of challenged cases, battering parents involved in custody battles persuaded authorities the victimized parent was unfit for sole custody, according to a spokesperson from the foundation.
Valentine and other advocates for protective parents call the family courts broken and corrupt and say the system not only puts children into the hands of abusive parents, it also bankrupts and punishes the protective parents who fight for them. At the same time, they say it's hard to reform the system because the people it hurts are hiding from abusers and anxious to avoid publicity.
Shifting Ground
But Valentine feels the ground shifting. "I think we're in the early stages of a civil rights movement for protecting children from physical and sexual abuse."
She said the Internet is helping battered mothers come together. "E-mail has helped. It's a good part of the reason for all of the advocacy," Valentine said. "Women are beginning to see that it's not their fault and that they are just pawns in the game."
Mo Hannah, psychology professor at Siena College, near Albany, N.Y., used the Internet to organize the first annual conference for battered women seeking custody in 2004, after her own difficult custody battle.
This past January marked the seventh gathering, which meets annually in Albany and is the major organizing and networking event of the year for protective parents.
"The first conference was about getting people to talk and validate their experiences," Hannah said. "But as the conferences continued it became very clear that we needed a national movement. Now the conference is just sort of an umbrella or structure that encourages people to share with each other."
Over the seven years, women have met at the conference and formed smaller groups, such as the Massachusetts Protective Mothers for Custodial Justice.
"Mass Moms," as it has come to be known, brings together women who have gone through custody battles with those currently in the throes. Volunteers accompany women to court and on lawyer visits and play a general shepherding role.
"We stand next to a woman who is fighting for her children while she pleads and receives orders," one Mass Mom told Women's eNews at January's Battered Mothers Custody Conference.
These volunteers have all been through their own custody battles and declined to be named for fear of retribution from their ex-husbands or the court system. Many have gag orders associated with their own cases. It is this type of fear of retribution that has helped keep the protective parents movement under the radar.
The California Protective Custody Association's Valentine understands the fear that keeps women from protesting and fighting the bigger battles.
"I waited until my own children were grown so we weren't affected by the family court system," she said.
Valentine says advocates and organizers need to study and replicate the successful civil rights campaigns of the past.
"Slavery was ended with a good law but slavery wasn't ended because a good law happened to come about. The law happened because huge masses of people put their lives on the line and fought for it," Valentine said.
This year "Mass Moms" is preparing to add some more public activism to their advocacy with a demonstration taking place in Boston on a date to be announced soon. In what they're planning to call "Confetti," the moms will symbolically shred court-appointed guardian reports--which they feel are particularly unfair to protective parents--into little bits and toss them at the statehouse to call attention to the plight of protective mothers fighting for custody of their children.
In New York City, a group called V.O.W., or Voices of Women, has been working within the court system to try to provide legal counsel and one-on-one help for women. On a wider scale its mission is to "promote long-term systemic change by documenting institutional failures, testifying at hearings, creating position papers and meeting with local and state officials."
Both Valentine and Hannah say this is the right time to take the movement to the next level.
"The new president is a fatherless man with a good wife and they will hear us," said Valentine. "And if they don't hear us, Vice President Joe Biden worked on the violence against women act and he will hear us. And if they don't hear us we will keep going until they do hear us."
Saturday, April 24, 2010
First Weekend Away from my Kids
Last night was the first time my husband picked up the kids for the weekend. I was headed out and they stopped by to bring my some flowers. It had been a tough week for me.
It was a sweet gesture, but this seemed to upset my daughter quite a bit. I don't think she's ever spent the night with just her dad. She started crying and ended up hysterical, clutching onto even my hair as he pulled her off me.
I think it was upsetting for him too but he dealt with it differently than I would have. I wanted to just stay and talk it out with her until she felt comfortable to leave with him. After 20 minutes of that, he got frustrated and dragged her off screaming. I could hear her crying as they drove off.
I sobbed for nearly an hour. It hit me very hard. I thought about not going out. I cried all the way downtown. But I got composed and luckily I was meeting a group of women who my friend had put together who I had not met yet, so I pulled it together.
My husband texted me several times during the night to let me know she was doing well and having fun, so that put my mind more at ease.
It was good to be with other women and just have fun. We sat and talked for 3-4 hours and then my friend and I left together. She lives in a fun area where we can just walk around, so we went back to her house and ventured off again. I don't like to drink and drive, so I just stayed with her. We stayed up late talking like teenagers and finally went to bed pretty late.
She had to get up early for a run, so I ended up getting up pretty early too. I am having a party at my home later so I need to get ready for that - and get back out to the hospital. I realized yesterday I need to take some time for myself too. I was pretty worn out from being at the hospital all week. I have not had time to exercise or even get groceries.
A friend said something interesting to me yesterday as we were talking about this party. She had met me when my son was a baby, so has never known me as just a woman - not a mother. She said, "Wow, you're actually a person now too - there is a whole other side to you than "mom'!"
It was a sweet gesture, but this seemed to upset my daughter quite a bit. I don't think she's ever spent the night with just her dad. She started crying and ended up hysterical, clutching onto even my hair as he pulled her off me.
I think it was upsetting for him too but he dealt with it differently than I would have. I wanted to just stay and talk it out with her until she felt comfortable to leave with him. After 20 minutes of that, he got frustrated and dragged her off screaming. I could hear her crying as they drove off.
I sobbed for nearly an hour. It hit me very hard. I thought about not going out. I cried all the way downtown. But I got composed and luckily I was meeting a group of women who my friend had put together who I had not met yet, so I pulled it together.
My husband texted me several times during the night to let me know she was doing well and having fun, so that put my mind more at ease.
It was good to be with other women and just have fun. We sat and talked for 3-4 hours and then my friend and I left together. She lives in a fun area where we can just walk around, so we went back to her house and ventured off again. I don't like to drink and drive, so I just stayed with her. We stayed up late talking like teenagers and finally went to bed pretty late.
She had to get up early for a run, so I ended up getting up pretty early too. I am having a party at my home later so I need to get ready for that - and get back out to the hospital. I realized yesterday I need to take some time for myself too. I was pretty worn out from being at the hospital all week. I have not had time to exercise or even get groceries.
A friend said something interesting to me yesterday as we were talking about this party. She had met me when my son was a baby, so has never known me as just a woman - not a mother. She said, "Wow, you're actually a person now too - there is a whole other side to you than "mom'!"
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Mothers (should) have Value
"...when nurturing children is truly valued, mothers who work at home will be economically protected and men will want to join us as equal partners in parenting."
- Harriet Lerner, The Mother Dance
- Harriet Lerner, The Mother Dance
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Just for Today
I was up most of the night with my daughter. Both of us are sick again, and exhausted. She coughed through the night and had a horrible fever. I was so worried, because the next day I had promised to go on my son's Insect Safari field trip, and I did not want to break my promise to him to be there.
The day before my mom told me she wanted me to consider her as my partner and not hestitate to ask for help. I can not begin to thank my mom for all she does, day-in, day-out to help with my kids. Raising kids is not a one-person job. I don't believe it has to be a man-woman job, but I do think it takes at least 2 people.
I have been so grateful for all the friends who have stepped in to help me with my kids. Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed, but then I get an email or a card from someone. Or yesterday my friend T sent her camera (mine got lost) and some clothes. I was so excited to have some new things to wear! I have not had a budget that allows for buying new clothes for a while now, and I have also been gaining weight so a lot of my things are tight. It's those little things that get me through.
The other day I pulled out the photo albums and felt so grateful for all the wonderful people in our lives. I have truly been blessed with some wonderful friends and family.
But that said, I am really, really tired today. My daughter, LOL, popped right up out of bed at 6:30 and announced, "I'm ready to get up now!"
She was completely better! Her fever had broke and she was ordering me around the house (which was probably good today because I was sick and tired!).
I am hoping to take it easy the next few days and get better. My perspective is so much brighter when I am rested and well. I enjoyed my son's field trip so much. But coming back to the office was a let down. I'm having a hard time concentrating. There are so many things that I wish were different right now. But they are not. So for today, I will just do the best I can.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thanks Mom!
I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge my mother. I have been so grateful for all the help she has provided over the years with the kids. She has truly been my partner and helped me in an amazing capacity. She always gives much more than I could ever ask anyone for. She has been instrumental in my transition to going back to work full-time, which has been hard on all three of us. Without her help, I don't know what I would do. So, THANK YOU MOM! You are truly a saint and the kids and I love you to death!
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