Friday, October 2, 2009

The Things We Miss

I have not had much time to write. Frankly I have been exhausted and overwhelmed with being a single working mom. I don't think it is a one-person job, especially when you are working hard and worrying about paying the bills.

I have been subsisting (again) on up to 10 Excederines a day to keep going during the day. My headaches have come back in full-force and I am back on my daily migraine meds. I don't have the money or the time for all the treatments I used to get to keep my headaches and other stuff at bay, and stress accelerates all of that.

On Friday night, I could not sleep. My kids sleep with me. We decided to start sleeping in my bed because it is bigger and we were running out of space in my daughters bed. The kids always fight over who gets to sleep next to me, so oftentimes I rotate. I started off next to my son, but then I decided I was on the "wrong" side, ie, not my usual side, so I decided to move and get more comfortable.

I moved over, but then my daughter had hogged that side. I had already moved around so much that I didn't want to wake her. So I decided I would sort of roll off. Instead, I landed really hard on my wooden bedframe, that extends about 3-4 inches past my mattress, and then onto the floor.

I screamed, and then I started laughing at myself. Neither kid woke up, but then I stayed up most of the night. It hurt like hell. I have a horrible deep-purple bruise that takes up most of the left side of my ass.

I didn't want to get pain killers, so I just waited for my chiropracter to open on Monday. I have been going and getting treatments there this week. My whole body is out of wack.

I think I knocked something out of myself because I have continued to laugh my ass off all week. I am still in a lot of pain, but everything just seems hysterically funny to me this week. I guess I have decided that my situation is what it is, so I may as well have fun and laugh.

That being said, I still think it is bull shit.

My daughter had her ears peirced a few months ago. She took one out just to be weird, and has been walking around with only one earring for a while. She finally decided she wanted to get the other ear peirced, so we rushed her over to the mall. Then we discovered her ear was infected. I don't know how I missed that. Well, actually I do. I'm too busy working, running kids around, keeping a house up, cooking, and doing everything else.

Then, the other night, I took my daughter out of the bath and noticed that her ear had completely puffed up with puss in the back. Not only had I missed it once, I had missed it twice. That never would have happened before. The front looked fine, but the back was horrible.

It was the end of a long, exhausting day, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. But I called the doctor, and they wanted me to bring her right in. So I put hats on the kids wet hair, and we all drove into the doctors office in our pajamas. (To my husband's credit, he met us there.)

It is those little things that really matter and little mistakes can end up being big mistakes.

My husband just keeps saying that he wants to be together again, but I don't want to be treated the way he has treated me. I don't want to go through all the same stuff again. I don't want to be in this situation that I am in right now either, but that's all I've got.

My mom has always told me, "This too shall pass." And that give me a lot of comfort. I just hope that nothing too bad happens in the mean time.


  1. I don't know if it is sweet that he still wants to work things out or insane. So much has passed between you. It's almost like he is still in the bargaining stage of grief.

  2. I'm with your Mom.. This too shall pass.. And you will come out the other side a much stronger woman.. You can do this Sula.. You can...