Worst Day

Yesterday had to be one of the worst days of my life.

We skipped church because we all had the beginnigs of colds. The morning was peaceful, just hanging out with the kids and doing not much of anything. I made the kids waffles, and actually ate one myself, which I rarely do anymore. It was really good.

My uncle called early afternoon and told me to get over as soon as I could. He said to to bring the letters and copy of the new will I had helped my grandma with over the last few weeks. He said she was done and intended to have hospice come in the next hour to assist with death.

I rushed over after calling my ex in tears and asking him to meet us over there.

I arrived to see nearly all my aunts and uncles there and my grandma calling other relatives in tears telling them goodbye.

Hospice arrived within 20 minutes of my arrival and we were told that nothing would happen until the next day. My grandma started bawling and said she couldn't live like this anymore and said she would just get the shotgun or jump off a bridge.

A counselor was brought over and the timeframe went to one week and then to 15 days. My grandma explained that she didn't want to keep shitting all over herself and she could no longer do anything that she enjoyed or that made her life worthwhile. It was terrible to see this strong woman reduced to tears and begging.

Meanwhile my aunt and uncle went into the other room to count all the cash money she had saved up all these years, which was more than I would have thought. They divided it by 5 for each of her children, and later by 6 to include her long time boyfriend who she had earlier written out of the will. Everyone was approaching me privately and I left feeling that nearly everyone was conning me in their own way.

It was a terrible feeling. I wish I had never gotten involved in the will or anything else. I don't know what else I could have done different, because I would not have said no to my grandma if she asked me to do anything. Nonetheless, I have gotten away from most of the drama in my life and returning to that spot felt really uncomfortable and terrible.

I laid with my grandma in her bed for the last hour before I left. I was crying softely and she noticed. She told me that I would be ok and that I would find a nice man who would love me and my kids. I realized in that moment that she had full confidence in me and she didn't have the worry for me she did with many of her kids. It was a very empowering moment. She didn't leave me with money. She left me with her full trust and confidence in me. That is a greater gift.

I am very angry that she is not able to leave her life with dignity as she had planned. The morals of our coutry make no sense to me. We have no problem taking the lives of people around the world who are not ready to leave their life or their family. But when one of our own is suffering and ready to go, we suddenly have morals and they have to wait an arbitrary 15 days.

15 days of additional profit is what it amounts to. Everything in life, seems to come back to money.