Lost

I feel so sad and so lost today.

I expected to feel relieved when she finally died after so many days of dragging things out. But instead I feel like I don't know what to do with myself.

I thought this would be a new beginning and I could move on to something else in my life besides caretaking, but I don't have a desire to do anything else now.

I forgot my checkbook and had to come home. A friend had sent a dozen beautiful white roses, which was really a lovely surprise. I don't know how he managed to ship them here overnight from out of town when I didn't even find out she had passed until after 5, but he did, and it means a lot.