Defending Myself

One thing I learned through my marriage was how to defend myself. I used to sit and cry quietly like a victim. Being with an alcoholic, you have to learn how to fight and stand up for yourself.

But I have also reflected that while I am glad that I learned this skill, it doesn't always suit me.

There was a verse from Isaiah 30 that I always liked growing up - "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." I think there is a lot of truth to this.

My father and my grandfather rarely get angry or argue. I can remember one time seeing my grandfather enraged, and that was when my sister and I had disobeyed him and did something very dangerous around the water.

My grandmother would nitpick at my grandpa all the time and it would just roll right off him. He would just smile, sometimes giving me a quick wink when she wasn't looking.

I remember once, when I went to court to get a stalking order against a man who had harassed me for nearly a year, at one point breaking my front door down to get into my house - both the stalker and my grandfather arrived at court early. He walked up to my grandpa and asked, "Do you think I am a bad man?"

My grandpa simply looked at him with a smile and said, "Well, I guess we'll see."

After hours of awkward testimony, we broke for lunch. We were all at the elevator, waiting to get on. That was the second time in my life I saw my dad lose his temper. He was about to go in after the stalker. My grandfather simply held my dad back by the seat of his pants, saying nothing. My dad cooled.

What I have learned from both of them is that arguing and anger benefits no one. Most people - and most things for that matter - are just not worth it.

Fight when you need to for what you really believe in - but let the rest go.

Quiet New Years

I decided to stay in last night in lieu of going out. I have really enjoyed this more relaxed Winter Break with my children, which will soon be over. One of the nights my sister spent the night here, the kids fell asleep on the couch and she helped me carry them upstairs to bed. We looked at how big they both looked. Time has passed quickly. It makes me sad.

We had my mom over for dinner and had a simple but delicious meal. I am so grateful for all the support my mom gives me with the kids.

My husband called several times during the evening. It seems there can be no peace between us. Sometimes I feel like he takes every little thing I say and turns it into an argument. Lately, I just end the conversation early when the accusations and cussing start. But then he begins texting me. I'm trying to ignore those too, but sometimes I feel the need to defend myself and text back. I realized last night that I really have nothing to defend myself against. I told him last night that next time, I just won't answer my phone. I'm tired of the fighting.

My husband has not seen the children since Christmas and we have several times planned over the weekend. Today, I just want to relax and keep things simple and peaceful.