Friday, August 17, 2012

Making Changes

After a lot of thought, I decided to leave the private school my son has been attending for 3 years. Last year was so bad, a public school couldn't possibly be any worse.

I have been driving 2-3 hours every day to get the kids to school, and believe I can better use that time to supplement their education. We can also walk to school instead, which has been nagging on me all these years. The amount of gas we were using before was rediculous, especially when I still had my Suburban.

We have eased into a nice and quiet life in our little town, where we can walk nearly everywhere. I don't own a car anymore, and we are co-living with another family. I don't think I could have fathomed this life several years ago, but it works well for us.

I enrolled the kids in the local public school the other day. I had all these stigmas in my mind that errupted the minute I walked into the school. The kids were excited to have lockers and be able to ride their bikes to school. We happened to walk in on the principal, who was a bright and delightful woman. I felt reassured that I was making the right choice.

My ex had wanted me to register the kids in his school district, which meant that I would essentially make the same drive every single day, for his convenience a few days a week.

Several months ago, he told me he would take care of everything. Last week, I realized, again, that I can not rely on him to take care of anything. Sometimes I still hold that delusion, even after all these years.

I got a list of what was needed from our local school, and came back with everything the next day. I realized then that my ex could never provide anything on that list.

I have the birth certificates.
I have been the one taking the kids to the doctor for every appointment.
I have all the numbers memorized in my head.
I have done everything.

Last week, it became apparent to me that I couldn't leave the kids with their dad, so I didn't. He screamed and yelled at me, threatening to call the police and have me thrown in jail. My daughter overheard our conversation before I hung up the phone.

Later that day, she stated, you can't put someone in jail just for being a mom, can you?

I realized I have a tendency to stay in bad situations far too long. I should have left my marriage earlier. And the school situation started falling apart at the begining of the year. I explored other options then, but ultimately felt I had to stay. It only got worse.

The important thing is I have learned I don't have to live in situations I don't like. And I think the kids and I will both live more peaceful now.

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