Another Relapse

I found that my ex had relapsed on Tuesday and am back to fighting for my kids. This means we will have to go back to court in January.

I spent all week organizing, documenting and filing the mountain of paperwork. Yesterday I saw the judge. Until we go back to court, it is up to me to enforce the sobriety agreement in our divorce decree.

If I could do it over again I would have been firmer in the negotiations from the get-go and not given him any benefit of the doubt. He has not earned benefit of the doubt.

But now I am back to fighting, which is really draining. So this time, I will collect myself and fight for it all. And I will finish it for good.

My body feels beat up again. My back feels like it is broken. I am back to too many Excederines and Ibuprofens to manage the pain, which then upsets my stomach. This week, I had to push through to protect my children. But I took care of myself last night by inviting a friend over who is in a similar situation with her kids, having some good girl time and a good meal.

It's important for the kids to be around each other because they are all feeling the affects of divorce and addiction. I want to sever some of their feelings of isolation and alienation. The kids break my heart. I know I have to fight for them. When I am too tired and I want to give up I remind myself, I have to fight for them. I have to fight like all of our lives depend on it.

Today I went to the chiropractor, accupuncture and gym. I have to get my body to relax. This stress is not sustainable. It is breaking me down.

I decided that I don't have to give in to anything anymore. I don't have to put up with my ex. There won't be any more compromises or feeling sorry for him. We have had over 8 years of that. I am taking back my life and demanding safety and fairness for my children.