Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I feel a lot of times like I get a lot of shit from my ex for being truthful. And ironically, he is constantly accusing me of lying.

I keep telling him that I don't lie. I do omit at times, and that is for his own benefit.

Some say that omitting is a form of lying, but I don't agree with that. Omitting when you owe someone everything is one thing. But we are not in relationship. We are not committed. We are divorced and I owe him nothing.

My life is none of his business. My counselor told me that so many times, years and years ago, and I continually explained away and tried to be too honest with J.

But it is now hitting me how right she is. My life is no one's business, really.

I am not commited to anyone. No one has a right to "know" every detail of my life.

That is not dishonesty, that is self-preservation.

I could spend my entire life explaining everything to J. He would still never get it. And the more I explained, the more he would blame and accuse me.

There is an Ayn Rand quote I have always loved:

"Honesty is not a social duty, not a sacrifice for the sake of others, but the most profoundly selfish virtue man can practice: his refusal to sacrifice the reality of his own existence to the deluded consciousness of others."
-Ayn Rand

The things I have realized lately is that my honesty is best used with women. When we are honest with each other about our own lives, it gives other women permission to open up and be honest about theirs. In the last year or so I have really opened myself up much more than I ever have. And my relationships have grown deeper than I ever could have imagined.

The other thing that I have really learned from my dear friends B & K is that no one owns you. Love is not about possession or jealousy. Love does not even know these things.

I am really grateful for the friends that I have and the lessons they have taught me.

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