Authentic

"It cost me a lot to be authentic, but we must not be cheap in regards to the way we look. Because a woman is more authentic the more she looks like what she has dreamed for herself."

--Agrado, All About My Mother

Dream a Dream with Me

Last year, my favorite church service was the Celebration Sunday for the youth. Every year at the end of the school year, we honor all the children and especially those graduating from high school and college. We allow them to showcase their talents and shower them with prayers, blessings and love.

The woman who organized the service last year had a Senior graduating from High School this year, so she asked that someone else do it so she could just sit back and enjoy the service.

I have been working on the service for several months now and it has been a big project, but also a joy. I knew many of the youth at our church pretty well already, but this enabled me to learn about all the kids and what they do in their free time. I really love children, so this was very special to me. I really believe that there is nothing more important than our children, whether it be our own or those in our community.

We started the service with a slide show of all the pictures of the kids from our church. It was really fun for me to gather all the pictures together. The church has been such a community of love and support for my children these last few years, and I hope we can be the same for the other families and children in our church.

My daughter had agreed to sing a solo and had been practicing for a while. We even went to my dad's house one morning so she could practice with a microphone. She had been singing for everyone we came across. "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." She has a very sweet, clear voice and very good pitch. She will be a wonderful singer someday.

But her dad called as we were driving in to church and told me he was not coming to the service. He said he had a golf tournament. Both kids were upset, but my daughter ended up having a very difficult day. She ended up having a complete meltdown in front of the entire church. She did not sing, but many people encouraged her to sing another time soon. I am glad that she sang for my mom's mother on Friday, who has not been well for many months.

One of the other things we do is to try to include as many youth as possible in the service. So we had 3 scripture readings and different kids read those - some of my favorites:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love God, who have been called according to God’s purpose. (Romans 8:28)

The theme for this year was "Dream a Dream with Me" and was about encouraging the kids to live out their dreams. A wonderful woman read most of the book with her deep, knowing voice. There were about 15 speaking parts throughout the book where children from ages 3-18 read various quotations from everyone from Martin Luther King Jr. to Eleanor Roosevelt. This is a beautiful book and part of a wonderful project for kids called legacyproject.org.

My son's quotation was:

"Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly."
-Langston Hughes

My son memorized his part and spoke it very well. When my daughter froze during the service and decided she did not want to sing, he got up in front of everyone on his own accord and announced, "We are having technical difficulties..." This gave us a moment of comic relief in an awkward moment.

I was extremely angry that my ex did not come to the service. I do not ever remember a time when my parents were not there for me. This was supposed to be our daughter's first solo, which is an enormous deal. I hope she will continue to sing, but I know this is going to be a painful memory.

My mother came home with us and helped with the kids. I worked out my anger on the back porch with the pressure washer for a few hours. I think the sunshine and the exercise did me good, but I am still angry.

I walked away from a really bad situation, and I am really glad about that. I just wish I did not have to continually deal with the bullshit excuses from my ex and all the repercussions to my children. It's hard to encourage your children to dream when their trust is continually broken.

I learned that from you

I remember the windows rolled down and the wind in my hair
Driving 'round in your Daddy's old Chevy
Like we were going somewhere

We thought that summer would last us forever
Going steady was just something you do
I didn't know much about love
I learned that from you

Now those were some good times
Lately they don't seem to last
I guess I'm not nearly as strong as a drink in your glass
And the nights just get later
I can stay up and wait or just go on to bed like I do
I never knew nothing about lonely
I learned from that you

And I learned how to kiss on a ferris wheel
And I made wishes at wishing wells
And I fell into that fairytale too
And I know that love ain't so easy
But we tried, didn't we baby
It's alright
Some dreams weren't meant to come true
I learned that from you

One night while the whole world was turning
I left you a note
And I told you that I'd always miss you
Then I let you go
I'm living outside of some town I ain't heard of
And I think about the boy I knew
I didn' t know you could fall out of love
I learned that from you

And I learned how to kiss on a ferris wheel
And I made wishes at wishing wells
And I fell into that fairytale too
And I know that love ain't so easy
But we tried, didn't we baby
It's alright
Some dreams weren't meant to come true
I learned that from you

I remember the windows rolled down
And the wind..

- By Sara Evans


This is an older song, but you can google it and find it on utube and other sites. Here is one, but it's not great:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIXUXtMnAgs

The Yesterday of Youth

In the yesterday of youth I dared to dream
I had a song to give the world.
In the caverns of my mind,
Where light never makes things clear,
I had a lifetime left, I thought,
To make those dreams come true.

Now the yesterday of youth has gone forever;
It won't return no matter what.
Through the cobwebs of my mind
Drift the visions I had long ago.
Whatever happened to the years
That once stretched far ahead?

-Jo Fulkerson