We had more drama last night. We all woke up worn out.
I was thinking this morning that it is amazing I even survived living with my ex. Just dealing with him now in small doses takes all the life out of me. My back is causing excruciating pain again. My body feels tired and lifeless. It is no wonder I was accomplishing so little during that time. There was no energy left to do anything. Just get by.
Life is so much more than just getting by. I wonder how many women are living this same nightmare. It makes me feel very sad for all of us.
I have much to do now, so there is no time to dwell. But it saddens me that still after all this time, and so many positive changes in my own life, that this one person has the power to suck so much energy from all three of us.
I hope that one day, soon, this will no longer be the case.
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Thank you for sharing your blog with me. I was the one today, who talked to your via your facebook page, and was led here. I currently have a very codependent personality. I am my harshest critique. I take what others say to me and magnify it in order to understand it. That's the negative part. The positive is that I do the exact opposite. I am learning to not take anything personal (yes the Four Agreements thing again.)) But even so, sometimes I can't help it. I am hard wired to. That is when I tell a trusted friend about how I am struggling with being the victim and why (what was said or done). I have suffered physically with pain from holding in the story. I learned letting the words out, doesn't make me a victim but it does help my brain, tremendously. My brain needs to sort things out in certain ways, and that is just human. I hope you're not in pain today. I keep a blog too. Currently in life and writing I am working on being totally compassionate. That is even for myself to let go of being a victim and taking responsibility for everything, even having a tough marriage. Or choosing to not be like the slaves who chose death over being part of society in the way they were. As of now, when it comes to patriarchy I am not a big outward fighter/activist. But my heart is for self and world wide change. And I am sincere. I have confidence that so long as I know I am sincere and that I am doing my best, other's judgements don't matter except to them. I will add your blog to my reading list. Thanks again. :) ~Jocelyn www.babymotherandgoddess.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThanks for connecting here. I had not been writing much here but it seems things are back to "normal" with my ex now, so I have been using it again as an outlet. I hope you find the outlet you need in your blog too. I will check it out. Big hugs, t
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