Friday, February 15, 2013

Rising up, throwing up and letting myself heal

I spent weeks learning the "Break the Chain" dance for One Billion Rising yesterday.

My kids seemed to be sick with stomach flu right on top of each other so I was thrilled we were all able to go with my mom. Dancing with the other women right out in the public square was one of the most empowering moments of my life. Somehow, I knew I had to do this, despite my discomfort with dancing and my belief about myself that I am not a "good enough" dancer.

I have felt for a while that dancing would be the last step in my full recovery. But I have felt so much resistance towards doing it anyway.

After the dance, we marched another mile or so and then my stomach flu came on. I suppose part of me knew it was coming after both kids had it. But after barfing more than I thought was possible, I also felt like I was releasing all the pain, abuse and trauma of my life.

So, today, I am being easy on myself. I had to walk the kids to school but then I came back into bed. I took a nap. I am reading. And I am thinking. I am crying. And I am letting go.

There are so many good things coming up. We are bring a Red Tent to Portland, hence the video below.  I am finally surrounded (almost) entirely by really kind and amazing people. There is still a part of me that hurts sometimes, but it is becoming less and less frequent.

And now that I have done this dance, there are other things that I know I can do too.

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