Resentful

I am really in a rotten mood this morning.

I have not heard back from my husband since I snapped at him. Probably good in many ways, but then I find myself wondering if I pushed him off the edge and he started drinking last night.

I wonder when this blame game will ever be over. Him blaming me, me blaming him, me blaming everyone who doesn't do things the way I want them to.

I feel very exhausted by the job of being a single mom right now. It's never ending. My mom and sisters are helping a lot but I think I'm also just emotionally tired.

I missed my Al-Anon meeting yesterday because I was taking care of a clients loan file. And I found myself resenting them this morning. Then I realized how stupid that was. They never asked me to miss my meeting. They don't even know I go to meetings. They are lovely people. I am just always trying to fix things for everybody else and then I get mad when there is no time left for me.

I missed my women's weekend to go to a funeral. And in retrospect I think I really needed that weekend alone out in the middle-of-nowhere. I have such a firm sense of right and wrong but lately it seems when I do all the "right" things, I only find myself alone and tired. (And resentful.)