Sunday, June 3, 2012
I just watched the Orgasmic Birth movie. It was beyond moving for me. It brought up many things that I have not dealt with yet. I felt grief at seeing women actually supported , comforted and loved – even to the point of having multiple orgasms. Mostly I feel grief that I was so out of touch with myself during both my births. While I had my son without drugs, it was primarily by accident because my labor was so early and short. I immediately regretted getting an epidural with my daughter. That and circumcising my son remain my two greatest regrets in life. My frustration with Al-Anon remains and even grows. The only solution for co-dependents, in my opinion, is to leave the unhealthy relationship and find your-self again. I never would be healthy, happy and whole had I stayed with my ex-husband. I am certain of that. Al-Anon is a recycling of pain. I am grief-struck that I missed the healing birthing experience with both my children. I also know now how important that experience would have been for them, especially given the circumstances of their early lives of living with a father with multiple addictions. We do the best we can with what we know at the time, but I feel anger towards a medical system that perpetuates unnatural birth and a society that tells us to “stand by our man.” My hope is my daughter will do it different.