Letter to My Ex

We have danced this dance enough now for me to know when you are not sober.

Your inability to keep your word or be honest even with simple things is always the first clue. Your son has been trying to call you for several days with no return call. Your voicemail is full and you are not responding to me either anymore. This is not a sign of someone who is managing his life or sobriety.

Things have gone increasingly downhill over the last month or so with you. Verbal abuse, extreme lateness and missing parenting time are all additional signs of your relapse.

This is notice that we are back to the 90-day sobriety clause in our divorce decree. I will be enforcing it.

It is disappointing that I can not count on you to be honest with me even on this count, when your children's safety is at risk. You say you love your kids but you have no idea what real love is.

You need to be paying child support based on the actual time you are spending with the children, which has never been 25%. Based on my detailed records for the last 2-3 years, it has actually been somewhere between 0-6.33%.

I also took less support based on you paying the kids tuition. You have been jerking both schools along for the entire school year and now are behind more than $8,000.

There has been an unfair burden placed on me since the very beginning of our relationship, which has increased since you relapsed over 4 years ago. I want you to know that this has also affected your children in so many ways. The fact that you refuse to pay for their counseling after all the pain you have caused all three of us is sickening to me. Especially when you taunt me constantly with "Get help!" and other verbal abuse such as calling me a "whore" or a "slut". The only "help" any of us ever needed was in direct response to the abuse we suffered at your hands.

Your half of the counseling needs to be paid for, along with their educational expenses. You should be paying for ALL counseling expenses in my opinion.

I made the personal sacrifice to stay home with the kids and take less in support payments because I believe in education as a way out of this dysfunctional mess you and your family have created. You owe them this much. You owe us all so much. I don't have hopes for that any more, but I will hold you to your word. I am not willing to take one penny less than the inadequate amount you already agreed to.

I know you and your family don't value me as a mother or even a human being but I will say this. Despite the financial hardships, I will never regret staying home and raising my children. These are the children that we created and they deserve love, care and stability. I have had to be 2 parents pretty much since they were both born. I have had to cover the gap of all your inadequacies as a father. This has been both exhausting and maddening.

I expect payment for the back dental and medical expenses you owe me as well as your late support. I will be filing with the State for both and have everything deducted directly from your check from here on out.

The fact that you have been spying on me electronically and otherwise is troubling as well, and I will apply for protection from the state if it does not stop immediately.

You can get weekly drug and alcohol tests for 90 days to prove your sobriety. Obviously your word is no longer sufficient proof. Until then, you can arrange for supervised visits with the children as we have done in the past.