The more they put up with, the worse they feel.

“By not standing up for themselves when it is appropriate, many [survivors] damage their self -esteem. They become angry and ashamed of themselves for putting up with inappropriate behavior. The more they put up with, the worse they feel. Soon, they begin to believe they don’t have a right to complain and convince themselves they are making a big thing out of nothing.” ~Beverly Engel, Nice Girl Syndrome

Spiral Healing

“The healing process is best described as a spiral. Survivors go through the stages once, sometimes many times; sometimes in one order, sometimes in another. Each time they hit a stage again, they move up the spiral: they can integrate new information and a broader range of feelings, utilize more resources, take better care of themselves, and make deeper changes.”  ~Laura Davis, Allies in Healing

I express my pain in a healthy way

“I used to reject and punish myself when I was rejected by others. I thought their treatment was “proof” that I was worthless. Even though the way I was treated as a child told me that I’m deserving of abuse, healing has shown me that I’m not defined by how people treat me and that I’m just as worthy of equal value as everyone else. Now, when I experience disappointment from the way people treat me, I take special care of myself with comfort and protection. I express my pain in a healthy way.” ~Christina Enevoldsen

Leftovers

“Your instincts may tell you that you can’t survive if you experience feelings. But they are leftover child instincts. They’re the ones that first told you to freeze your feelings. They themselves are frozen and haven’t grown with the rest of you. These instincts don’t know that you’re far more capable of learning to cope with overwhelming emotion now than when you were a [child].”~ Maureen Brady, Beyond Betrayal

For too long...

“For too long we have been protecting the ones who have hurt us by minimizing our trauma and deprivation. It’s time to stop protecting them and start to protect ourselves. We have been told and feel that we are responsible for their emotional well-being. We are not. We are responsible only for ourselves.” ~Beverly Engel, The Right to Innocence

Only 3 Things matter

In the end, only three things matter
How much you loved
How gently you lived
And how gracefully you let go
Of things not meant for you
Buddha