Newest Demand from my Father-in-law

So, apparently my husband still does not have the money he keeps saying he has earned, and he put us into another very tough spot. This morning, he arrived half-way-through our son's parent-teacher conference, after missing our daughter's entirely last week. (I should have reminded him, he said.)

Then he said that he would need to get money from his dad and he hated to even bring it up but his dad wanted me to send him an email thanking him and his wife for their financial help over the last year.


Date: November 6, 2009 4:50:04 AM PST


J,

I will arrange for you to get the $6500.00 balance from D as soon as K and I receive some communication from Sula acknowledging her appreciation for our financial support for her and your family for the last year or so.

As per our old deal I expect you to visit with me on each payday that you receive a check for over $1,000.00. Paying back the short-term loans is an important part of our relationship. For you; being honest and keeping your word, for me; being able to respect you as a competent adult man.

In the future I will only help you with loans as part of a comprehensive financial management plan, which will mean that both of you need to be 100% open with all of your budget plans and all financial history. A lot of people that you and I both know ask for and appreciate my financial advice. I know that your family would be better off financially today if you would have been willing to be more honest and open to my advice.

I will be less co-dependent going forward because I love you.


Dad


So, like any mother who needs to take care of her kids, I ate shit.

My reply:

Dear J and K,

Thank you for your financial help over the last year or so. We all appreciate it!

God bless you both!


Inside I was both barfing and laughing. I hope someday, they will eat their words. I hope someday they will realize that their inadequate parenting grew a son who is an alcoholic-addict, who has repeatedly put his family in a horrible spot.

I think they should be thanking me for holding this family together all these years. I think they should kiss my ass for the job I do with both of these kids. I think they should both be apologizing profusely for the abuse they have inflicted on me, my children and my husband for years - and for the bullshit I have put up with from their son.

In a Funk

I have been in sort of a funk. I tried to get out of it by going to a special seminar at church on Thursday night, but I'm not sure that helped either. It was called Relationships as a Spiritual Practice, and our interim pastor brought in someone from the outside, who is more of a new age-type than something you would normally see at church. Sounded like my kind of thing, but I didn't get all that enthused at the time. In fact, I ended up leaving before he even finished talking, because it was after 9 and I was tired.

But he did say some good stuff, and that has sort of been in my head over the past few days.

He talked about how our most important relationship is the relationship we have with our self - and that is the one that we mostly overlook. And that if we don't take care of this relationship, we will not be able to have positive relationships with other people. He said if you think you can change someone, you can't - you have to change yourself. We did a lot of different energy work and meditations, but that's sort of where he lost me. I'm not someone that needs to be sold on that stuff - I already know it works. But for whatever reason, I don't utilize it much.

I spent most of the weekend with a migraine. Yesterday I became completely enraged when my husband asked me *again* about his dad and the fourth wife seeing the kids.

I gave in and let my son see him for 5 minutes the other day to say goodbye before they went to the desert for the winter. But my son is nearly 7 now and a very smart cookie. He is more able to sort out some of the BS that might come his way. I am even less excited about exposing my 3-year-old daughter to either of them for any amount of time.

I told my husband when his dad makes amends to her and to me for telling him to skip out on her 3rd birthday party, then we can talk about him seeing his granddaughter.

I am still pissed about that. I don't know if I will ever get over it actually.

But I also realize that I am the one stuck with all my anger and my father-in-law and the fourth wife could give a shit less. I'm trying to figure out a way that I can live my life without having my blood pressure rise every time I hear either one of their names.