Hymn to the Goddess

You are the One within me,
star-bright in midnight dark,
who echoes in the ocean
and dances with the lark,
who smiles in the mirror moon
and on the tide of dreams,
rocks me soft and gentle
to the songs of mountain streams.

You brought me into being,
breathed life into my soul,
you birthed me to my body,
you knit me as a whole,
my mother, you embraced me,
your kiss upon my brow
sighed your spirit through me
and it fills me now.

I feel your spirit fill me,
you call from every star,
in whispers from within me,
in echoes from afar,
you pull upon my moonstruck mind,
you open out my soul
and like an unfurled sail, it fills
and I am whole.

~Ruth Calder Murphy

My Wasted Years as Princess of Nothing.

I remember being told I was “too pretty to work.” So on some level, I always held on to that and resented working when I had to. I resented it every time a man did not pick up the check. It was not part of the unspoken agreement of how a princess should be treated.

It also meant that any man who would treat me as an equal was off the table for most of my life.

Being a princess meant I didn’t know how to live without an enormous household budget or a huge diamond ring. Wasn’t that the ultimate goal? Did it matter that my husband was an alcoholic and didn’t come home at all when he wasn’t so inclined?

When I look back at the years of my life when I was playing this role, they were completely non-productive. Perhaps, I made a good income; perhaps I was a good mother. Perhaps I was at my most beautiful. But in terms of creativity and personal fulfillment, there was zilch.

I was only living the life I was supposed to be living, not examining what I wanted for myself.

My Wasted Years as Princess of Nothing.

Faded Memories

“Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.“ ~Adrienne Rich 

I am working on an article that I wanted to be exact on, so I started to look back through our family blog, which I started in 2006.  I was struck by how different it was from my memory, so I came back here, which tended to be a more honest assessment of where my life was at the time.

I have realized that I tend to try to make things better than they are. Whether that was for my own need or wanting to give my children a better life, I am not sure.

But one thing is for certain, my marriage with my ex was completely exhausting. I have a migraine just from reading about it. (And I NEVER get migraines anymore!!)

I don't often look back, and that is probably a good thing. But it made me both grateful that life is SO different now and angry that I wasted so many years banging my head against the wall.

Honesty: The Word Keeps Getting Lonelier.

It is our quirky uniqueness that endears us to others. The large crooked nose, the horrendous chuckle, the inability to put down the cookie jar. It is what makes us different from others that causes death to be painful for those left behind.

People remember the dead for their realness. Attend any funeral and you will know that to be fact. No one will remember which masks we wore to be appeasing.

Honesty: The Word Keeps Getting Lonelier.

A Room of Her Own

“You must have a room or a certain hour or so in a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don’t know who your friends are…you don’t know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is a place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something will eventually happen.” ~Joseph Campbell

Are We Doing The Best We Can?

"All I can do these days is think of myself as a little girl, and think of my friends who have little girls, and know I do not want another generation of girls preyed upon in any way.

(And that's ALL little girls - from Asia to America, Russia to Africa, all nations, all levels of income, all girls.)

I really want my brothers on this planet to hear me and feel the same. This is not the future I saw for myself as a woman or for the generations of women coming after me. This is not our best effort on their behalf." ~Melissa Ulto

Women: Think this Through

"The genius of any slave system is found in the dynamics which isolate slaves from each other, obscure the reality of a common condition, and make united rebellion against the oppressor inconceivable." ~Andrea Dworkin

Allowing

"You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that. You are as amazing as you let yourself be." ~ Elizabeth Alraune

I Believe in Love

"Always on Your Side"