TV

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.

-- John Lennon (1940-1980)

Drug Use Beyond Genetics

Good parenting provides a potent buffer against some youngsters' genetic predisposition to use alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana by age 14, a study finds. Uninvolved, unsupportive parenting heralds a spike in consumption of these substances among genetically vulnerable teens, a team led by psychologist Gene Brody of the University of Georgia in Athens reports in the February Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.

Science News, Feb 28, 2009 by Bruce Bower

End of the School Year

We are finally at the end of what has seemed like a very long school year!

I must take a moment to thank my parents for all of their help!

My dad's wife picks up my son every Tuesday from school. She and grandpa have dinner with him and bring him home. This is very special, consistent time for him - and he really enjoys it!

My mother has picked up the kids 2-3 times a week throughout the year. She has the doctor, taken them to the park - you name it. We have a long drive every morning to school, so I know it is a labor of love for her to come all the way from her house, to both schools, back to our house and then back to her house. (Several hours of driving each day.)

Mom, I couldn't have done it without you!

I feel so blessed to have such wonderful parents - and I know the kids are extra blessed to have amazing Grandparents.

It was a long, hard year, with many challenges we did not expect - but we made it. Apart from a good, strong family, I don't think there is anything more important than education. Thank you to my family for all their help making sure the kids get a good one!

I am also grateful to my ex-husband for paying for it! There were times I didn't think we would make it, but we did! We had not counted on this expense - nearly $30,000!!!! - but when my former father-in-law backed out of his commitment to send the kids to school, their dad made it work. So, that is one thing to be grateful about for sure!

I wish my husband's family would have spent more time, money and attention on their children while they were children. It would have been less expensive in the long-run than drugs, alcohol, rehabs, and therapy. When you let a child grow up in peace and with love, there is a lot less likelihood that they will grow up with psycological or addiction problems. And, oftentimes in a dysfuctional family, education is your only way out.

My wish for every child is that they can obtain the same quality of education my children have been able to get so far. My feeling is that if we reallocated our military budget to our schools, and fostered the growth in our own children instead of mutilating and killing other children, the world would be an entirely different place.

Dream a Dream with Me

Last year, my favorite church service was the Celebration Sunday for the youth. Every year at the end of the school year, we honor all the children and especially those graduating from high school and college. We allow them to showcase their talents and shower them with prayers, blessings and love.

The woman who organized the service last year had a Senior graduating from High School this year, so she asked that someone else do it so she could just sit back and enjoy the service.

I have been working on the service for several months now and it has been a big project, but also a joy. I knew many of the youth at our church pretty well already, but this enabled me to learn about all the kids and what they do in their free time. I really love children, so this was very special to me. I really believe that there is nothing more important than our children, whether it be our own or those in our community.

We started the service with a slide show of all the pictures of the kids from our church. It was really fun for me to gather all the pictures together. The church has been such a community of love and support for my children these last few years, and I hope we can be the same for the other families and children in our church.

My daughter had agreed to sing a solo and had been practicing for a while. We even went to my dad's house one morning so she could practice with a microphone. She had been singing for everyone we came across. "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." She has a very sweet, clear voice and very good pitch. She will be a wonderful singer someday.

But her dad called as we were driving in to church and told me he was not coming to the service. He said he had a golf tournament. Both kids were upset, but my daughter ended up having a very difficult day. She ended up having a complete meltdown in front of the entire church. She did not sing, but many people encouraged her to sing another time soon. I am glad that she sang for my mom's mother on Friday, who has not been well for many months.

One of the other things we do is to try to include as many youth as possible in the service. So we had 3 scripture readings and different kids read those - some of my favorites:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love God, who have been called according to God’s purpose. (Romans 8:28)

The theme for this year was "Dream a Dream with Me" and was about encouraging the kids to live out their dreams. A wonderful woman read most of the book with her deep, knowing voice. There were about 15 speaking parts throughout the book where children from ages 3-18 read various quotations from everyone from Martin Luther King Jr. to Eleanor Roosevelt. This is a beautiful book and part of a wonderful project for kids called legacyproject.org.

My son's quotation was:

"Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly."
-Langston Hughes

My son memorized his part and spoke it very well. When my daughter froze during the service and decided she did not want to sing, he got up in front of everyone on his own accord and announced, "We are having technical difficulties..." This gave us a moment of comic relief in an awkward moment.

I was extremely angry that my ex did not come to the service. I do not ever remember a time when my parents were not there for me. This was supposed to be our daughter's first solo, which is an enormous deal. I hope she will continue to sing, but I know this is going to be a painful memory.

My mother came home with us and helped with the kids. I worked out my anger on the back porch with the pressure washer for a few hours. I think the sunshine and the exercise did me good, but I am still angry.

I walked away from a really bad situation, and I am really glad about that. I just wish I did not have to continually deal with the bullshit excuses from my ex and all the repercussions to my children. It's hard to encourage your children to dream when their trust is continually broken.

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today."

~Stacia Tauscher

Children Learn What they Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

Stopping

I have mostly stopped writing or even repeating to anyone the crazy things my husband says to me.

One thing I did learn in Al-Anon is that alcoholics all read from the same script. I could spend the rest of my life repeating things he says or has said to me, but it won't change anything. It will just be more wasted breath.

He blew up at me the other day and keeps wondering why we can't be friends. Well, because we aren't friends. He has never treated me like a friend. We have children together, and we have to make the best of it. But every time we start getting along, he takes it the wrong way, and then blows up on me when I remind him we are almost divorced.

Peace

You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.

-- Malcolm X

The Ex

Church

My daughter is not adjusting well to the time with her dad. I have talked to him about this, but there does not seem to be an agreement there.

He took the kids this weekend. He picked them up around 3 and called me a few hours later to say it was not going well and that maybe I should just take our daughter. When I tried to get more information he got frustrated and was just like, Fine! I'll take her!

Great!

On Sunday, we met at church. Everyone was already seated around us and I walked in a few minutes late. As soon as I sat down he greeted me with, "Late night?"

I don't know what he is trying to accomplish there, but I have gone to that church since I was a child so regardless of what he tries to do or say, he is the one who looks like an ass.

When church was over, I was busy getting ready for next weeks service, which I am coordinating with the youth.

Somehow when he tried to take our daughter out to the car, they started fighting. He had taken them to Denny's for breakfast and then stopped an got her a donut.

I don't agree with the food choices, but if you give a 4-year-old a donut, you better plan on her eating it.

He decided that he should take the donut from her, which made her freak out.

Then he told us that I could decide when she had the donut.

So I handed it to her.

Then, he freaked out.

He started screaming at me in the church parking lot, with people around, that I needed to work on my parenting skills.

Um, no, I think you do.

So Sunday was a bit rough. I felt like she was adjusting to being with him. She was clingy. She was clearly having a hard time.

Both of her teachers called me this afternoon to discuss her behavior, which was troubling to them.

They told me that she continually says she does not like to be with her dad. They also said that contrary to the story he's been telling me, she always melts down when her dad comes to pick her up and she does not want to go with him.

When one teacher tried to talk to her about what she does with her dad, she said, "He doesn't play with me." They asked what they did and she said, "He watches TV with me."

I know they do other things but I am still troubled that she is telling me and everyone else that she doesn't want to be there.

They suggested I put her into counseling, so I made a call to my son's counselor to get her in.

I tried to talk to my ex about this tactfully. I just repeated the facts. While he expressed some concern over her, his main concern was about himself and his own feelings.

I'm tired of nurturing the child in a grown man. This is the job his parents should have done. Now, all three of us are left with the rubble.

If the Stars Were Mine

I heard this artist the other day on our local Jazz station and immediately loved her! I have been listening to as much as possible online since.

Here's one I dedicate to my children

If the stars were mine
I'd give them all to you
I'd pluck them down right from the sky
and leave it only blue
I would never let the sun forget to shine upon your face
so when others would have rain clouds you'd have only sunny days
If the stars were mine
I'd tell you what I'd do
I'd put the stars right in a jar and give them all to you

If the birds were mine
I'd tell them when to sing
I'd make them sing a sonnet when your telephone would ring
I would put them there inside the square, whenever you went out
so there'd always be sweet music whenever you would walk about
If the birds were mine
I'd tell you what I'd do
I'd teach the birds such lovely words and make them sing for you
I'd teach the birds such lovely words and make them sing for you

If the world was mine
I'd paint it gold and green
I'd make the oceans orange for a brilliant color scheme
I would color all the mountains, make the sky forever blue
So the world would be a painting and I'd live inside with you
If the world was mine
I'd tell you what I'd do
I'd wrap the world in ribbons and then give it all to you
I'd teach the birds such lovely words and make them sing for you
I'd put those stars right in a jar...and..........
give them all...to you.......

- Melody Gardot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLFKKY5RHxc

Nana

My kids have been spending a lot of time (comparatively) with my husband's dad and wife. I am not happy about it, but there is nothing I can do.

One thing that grates on my nerves though as that the Fourth Wife insists on the kids calling her Nana.

My kids have a Nana. She is my grandma, the woman who has been in my life since the day I was born and actually is a grandma to both me and my children.

The Fourth Wife has only been available for photo opps. She is no blood relation and the kids have no relationship with her. She has never fostered a relationship with them. She never even offered to babysit. She never did jack shit.

So why she wants to be called Nana is beside me.

I'm all for having many loving people in my kids life. And they call many non-blood family by endearing names, like Auntie or Uncle. But these are people who they want to have a relationship with. They are people that the kids love, who spend time with them and nurture and love them back.

My kids came home last week with this Nana name and I told them, her name is K. That's all I said.

My husband blew up when he found out. What for? I suppose there is money in this new relationship for him.

I can't stop the kids from seeing these people, but I will not foster any sort of a relationship on my end. Those people are nothing but trouble. And their entitlement never ends.

Home

"As a woman descends into the richness of her own life, she discovers the way home to herself. In the descent, she reverses the tendency to look outside of herself for salvation. In the "deep places", she reunites with her essential self and reclaims her natural capacities."

-Patricia Lynn Reilly

Healing with Kundalini Yoga

I haven't had much time to write this week. I have been very busy at my kids schools and with some projects at church. Seems like I am busier now than when I was working! (And, certainly happier!).

But I am so thrilled with this Kundalini Yoga I have been doing. My body feels much more tight, fit and strong than it has in ages. It is great for awakening sexual energy and healing. The last part is a meditation with a gong, focused on healing. I would highly recommend this program to anyone. The DVD I'm using is Kundalini Yoga with Gurmukh. She has a lovely presence about her. Many of my friends have been telling me I have a glow about me lately (and I'm not pregnant lol!).

Good

“Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

-Desmond Tutu

Peace

"A truly free society must not include a "peace" which oppresses us. We must learn on our own terms what peace and freedom mean together. There can be no peace if there is social injustice and suppression of human rights, because external and internal peace are inseparable. Peace.is not just the absence of mass destruction, but a positive internal and external condition in which people are free so that they can grow to their full potential."

-- Petra Karin Kelly (1947-1992)

Memorial Day

The streets of our city are lined with flags honoring local fallen soldiers. Below each flag lies pictures of at least 3 soldiers who have died in Iraq or Afghanistan. I'm sure it is meant to be supportive, but to me it serves as a reminder of the horrors of war.

I can't help but thinking what a waste of life - on our side, and theirs. It makes me very sad to think of it.

We stopped by to see my grandma today, who was married to my grandpa for 36 years. They met in Germany where her step dad and my grandpa were serving in the Army. She was a military wife, who travelled with my grandpa for many years before settling here nearly 50 years ago.

My grandpa retired from the Army after serving in 3 wars, and went on to work at the local Veterans Hospital. When he retired, there was nothing left for him. He died much too young, an alcoholic, after trying to kill himself at least once. I do not believe he was happy or at peace. And I can't help but think that his military service had a lot to do with that.

My grandma asked my son if he knew what Memorial Day was all about and he said no. I told her we were not really pro-military. (We spent last night re-reading Why War is Never a Good Idea.) But I could tell it was important to her so I didn't get into it with her. She proceeded to tell him, and then drill him to make sure he'd heard her.

It is a very complicated issue for me on so many levels. I wish we would get out of Iraq and Afghanistan. I can not stand behind a military that kills civilians. I can not get behind killing anyone, for that matter. I do not believe soldiers are heroes. Victims at times, yes. But rarely heroes.

A hero preserves life, not desecrates it.

I think our military is far too quick to disregard life, including that of our own soldiers. So, this day just makes me really sad.


"Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There Can Never Be a Better Me

As we were saying, there is no psychological evolution. The psyche can never become or grow into something which it is not. Conceit and arrogance cannot grow into better and more conceit, nor can selfishness, which is the common lot of all human beings, become more and more selfish, more and more of its own nature. It is rather frightening to realize that the very word `hope' contains the whole world of the future. This movement from `what is' to `what should be' is an illusion, is really, if one can use the word, a lie.

We accept what man has repeated throughout the ages as a matter of fact, but when we begin to question, doubt, we can see very clearly, if we want to see it and not hide behind some image or some fanciful verbal structure, the nature and the structure of the psyche, the ego, the `me'. The `me' can never become a better me. It will attempt to, it thinks it can, but the `me' remains in subtle forms. The self hides in many garments, in many structures; it varies from time to time, but there is always this self, this separative, self-centred activity which imagines that one day it will make itself something which it is not.

- Krishnamurti to Himself Ojai California Thursday 17th March, 1983

"When we begin to live from within outward, in touch with the power of the erotic within ourselves, then we begin to be responsible to ourselves in the deepest sense. For as we recognize our deepest feelings, we begin to give up, of necessity, being satisfied with suffering and self-negation, and the numbness which so often seems like the only alternative in our society."

-Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider

Crazy Heart

I just watched Crazy Heart. I had wanted to see it for a long time, since I obviously can relate to the subject matter. They certainly got the asshole part down of the alcoholic.

I ended up just sobbing at the end. I suppose it hit just too close to home. It was hard not to feel sorry for the alcoholic too, as much as an asshole as he was. But I am hoping, if nothing else, many people will watch it, and realize that sometimes, you just go too far, and there is nothing you can do to "fix" it. Life just goes on without you.

But, it is never too late to redeem yourself.


The Weary Kind

Your heart's on the loose
You rolled them seven's with nothing lose
And this ain't no place for the weary kind

You called all your shots
Shooting 8 ball at the corner truck stop
Somehow this don't feel like home anymore

And this ain't no place for the weary kind
And this ain't no place to lose your mind
And this ain't no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Your body aches
Playing your guitar and sweating out the hate
The days and the nights all feel the same

Whiskey has been a thorn in your side
and it doesn't forget
the highway that calls for your heart inside

And this ain't no place for the weary kind
And this ain't no place to lose your mind
And this ain't no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Your lovers won't kiss
It's too damn far from your fingertips
You are the man that ruined her world

Your heart's on the loose
You rolled them seven's with nothing lose
And this ain't no place for the weary kind

-Ryan Bingham

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/crazyheart/thewearykind.htm target=_blank>Ryan Bingham - The Weary Kind lyrics