Good parenting provides a potent buffer against some youngsters' genetic predisposition to use alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana by age 14, a study finds. Uninvolved, unsupportive parenting heralds a spike in consumption of these substances among genetically vulnerable teens, a team led by psychologist Gene Brody of the University of Georgia in Athens reports in the February Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
Science News, Feb 28, 2009 by Bruce Bower
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Children Learn What they Live
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Church
My daughter is not adjusting well to the time with her dad. I have talked to him about this, but there does not seem to be an agreement there.
He took the kids this weekend. He picked them up around 3 and called me a few hours later to say it was not going well and that maybe I should just take our daughter. When I tried to get more information he got frustrated and was just like, Fine! I'll take her!
Great!
On Sunday, we met at church. Everyone was already seated around us and I walked in a few minutes late. As soon as I sat down he greeted me with, "Late night?"
I don't know what he is trying to accomplish there, but I have gone to that church since I was a child so regardless of what he tries to do or say, he is the one who looks like an ass.
When church was over, I was busy getting ready for next weeks service, which I am coordinating with the youth.
Somehow when he tried to take our daughter out to the car, they started fighting. He had taken them to Denny's for breakfast and then stopped an got her a donut.
I don't agree with the food choices, but if you give a 4-year-old a donut, you better plan on her eating it.
He decided that he should take the donut from her, which made her freak out.
Then he told us that I could decide when she had the donut.
So I handed it to her.
Then, he freaked out.
He started screaming at me in the church parking lot, with people around, that I needed to work on my parenting skills.
Um, no, I think you do.
So Sunday was a bit rough. I felt like she was adjusting to being with him. She was clingy. She was clearly having a hard time.
Both of her teachers called me this afternoon to discuss her behavior, which was troubling to them.
They told me that she continually says she does not like to be with her dad. They also said that contrary to the story he's been telling me, she always melts down when her dad comes to pick her up and she does not want to go with him.
When one teacher tried to talk to her about what she does with her dad, she said, "He doesn't play with me." They asked what they did and she said, "He watches TV with me."
I know they do other things but I am still troubled that she is telling me and everyone else that she doesn't want to be there.
They suggested I put her into counseling, so I made a call to my son's counselor to get her in.
I tried to talk to my ex about this tactfully. I just repeated the facts. While he expressed some concern over her, his main concern was about himself and his own feelings.
I'm tired of nurturing the child in a grown man. This is the job his parents should have done. Now, all three of us are left with the rubble.
He took the kids this weekend. He picked them up around 3 and called me a few hours later to say it was not going well and that maybe I should just take our daughter. When I tried to get more information he got frustrated and was just like, Fine! I'll take her!
Great!
On Sunday, we met at church. Everyone was already seated around us and I walked in a few minutes late. As soon as I sat down he greeted me with, "Late night?"
I don't know what he is trying to accomplish there, but I have gone to that church since I was a child so regardless of what he tries to do or say, he is the one who looks like an ass.
When church was over, I was busy getting ready for next weeks service, which I am coordinating with the youth.
Somehow when he tried to take our daughter out to the car, they started fighting. He had taken them to Denny's for breakfast and then stopped an got her a donut.
I don't agree with the food choices, but if you give a 4-year-old a donut, you better plan on her eating it.
He decided that he should take the donut from her, which made her freak out.
Then he told us that I could decide when she had the donut.
So I handed it to her.
Then, he freaked out.
He started screaming at me in the church parking lot, with people around, that I needed to work on my parenting skills.
Um, no, I think you do.
So Sunday was a bit rough. I felt like she was adjusting to being with him. She was clingy. She was clearly having a hard time.
Both of her teachers called me this afternoon to discuss her behavior, which was troubling to them.
They told me that she continually says she does not like to be with her dad. They also said that contrary to the story he's been telling me, she always melts down when her dad comes to pick her up and she does not want to go with him.
When one teacher tried to talk to her about what she does with her dad, she said, "He doesn't play with me." They asked what they did and she said, "He watches TV with me."
I know they do other things but I am still troubled that she is telling me and everyone else that she doesn't want to be there.
They suggested I put her into counseling, so I made a call to my son's counselor to get her in.
I tried to talk to my ex about this tactfully. I just repeated the facts. While he expressed some concern over her, his main concern was about himself and his own feelings.
I'm tired of nurturing the child in a grown man. This is the job his parents should have done. Now, all three of us are left with the rubble.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Fit Parenting
My husband will pick up the kids this afternoon and take them for the weekend. It should go better because I will not be there for the transition.
I woke early this morning and have been stewing in bed. I don't want to give up my children. I spent 7 years trying to protect them from their dad. Now I'm supposed to just hand them over?
I think "no fault" divorce laws are bunk. There is certainly fault here, and it does not lie with me.
I received my draft of the divorce documents yesterday and I do not want to sign them. I want the divorce, but I don't agree to all of the terms. The mediator put in several things that we never talked about.
The document starts out to say that we both agree that we are both fit parents. Fit parents? When did I ever say my husband was a "fit" parent?
Does leaving me here with the kids waiting for him to come home all night long make a "fit" parent?
Is it having to explain to them over and over again where their daddy is and why he doesn't come home or pick them up when he says he will?
Does bringing cocaine into our house and leaving it out where the kids could have killed themselves make a "fit" parent?
Does driving drunk with all of us in the car make him a "fit" parent?
Does relapsing again and again make him a "fit" parent?
Does wasting every last cent we had make him a "fit" parent?
Does exposing the children to his abusive father make him a "fit" parent?
I could go on and on....
What is considered fit parenting by Oregon Law? I would sure like to know, because it certainly does not meet my standards.
I woke early this morning and have been stewing in bed. I don't want to give up my children. I spent 7 years trying to protect them from their dad. Now I'm supposed to just hand them over?
I think "no fault" divorce laws are bunk. There is certainly fault here, and it does not lie with me.
I received my draft of the divorce documents yesterday and I do not want to sign them. I want the divorce, but I don't agree to all of the terms. The mediator put in several things that we never talked about.
The document starts out to say that we both agree that we are both fit parents. Fit parents? When did I ever say my husband was a "fit" parent?
Does leaving me here with the kids waiting for him to come home all night long make a "fit" parent?
Is it having to explain to them over and over again where their daddy is and why he doesn't come home or pick them up when he says he will?
Does bringing cocaine into our house and leaving it out where the kids could have killed themselves make a "fit" parent?
Does driving drunk with all of us in the car make him a "fit" parent?
Does relapsing again and again make him a "fit" parent?
Does wasting every last cent we had make him a "fit" parent?
Does exposing the children to his abusive father make him a "fit" parent?
I could go on and on....
What is considered fit parenting by Oregon Law? I would sure like to know, because it certainly does not meet my standards.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Mothers (should) have Value
"...when nurturing children is truly valued, mothers who work at home will be economically protected and men will want to join us as equal partners in parenting."
- Harriet Lerner, The Mother Dance
- Harriet Lerner, The Mother Dance
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