Trying

I feel sort of lost. There are so many things to do and so many directions to go in. Meanwhile, my husband keeps complaining about how busy he is and how hard he's working but has time to send me a zillion text messages every day. I remember when I was counseling my counselor telling me his calls and texts are poison. It's starting to feel that way.

The latest accusations are that I don't give a shit about him and I only care about money. And that it never has mattered what he does. It's never enough.

I feel like he tries to revert all the blame back to me. And then he says this is harder for him than it is for me. I told him that's because I've never given him any reason to want out. He has done everything he possibly could do destroy our marriage.

The one thing that I have been hearing consistently from nearly everyone is, "You certainly can't say you didn't try."

Some Things...

My husband just left after another long and exhausting evening.

I don't know why I keep cooking dinner for him. It burns me up. He shits all over me and I make him dinner. But that is just something about me. I always try to be hospitable. And I do it for my children, not for him.

I think having dinner as a family is important. I grew up that way. It's just something you do.

But inside, while I enjoy the cooking (I do LOVE to cook), I am burning up. I just keep thinking he does not deserve this.

So my husband has sent me 6 texts already since he left and the last one said, "You HATE me!!!! I am an idiot!!! I'm sorry I hurt you so bad, and you will never let me make it up to you!"

I told him, "Some things you can't make up up for. You just don't do them."

Communication Exercises

I woke up to 3 emails from my husband this morning. One asking me to be his friend on Facebook, another message on Facebook, and this one.

I have been reviewing some notes I took on how to be more effective with our communication. Some from my counselor and some from Tom & Ann.

I really liked some of the exercises that Tom & Ann gave us to do. Maybe, we could try some of them again?

It also got me thinking about filters, and we both seem to have them, I think everybody does. Either way, we say things to each other and the other person hears something completely different.

One of the exercises is "so, what I hear you saying is....". I think that this would be an excellent time for us to begin communicating this way with each other. I think that sometimes even written words for us can be misinterpreted, or heard incorrectly. I often review our text conversations to see if I have been clear with my message. Anyhow, these were just a few thoughts that I had, and I wanted to share them with you.

Let me know your thoughts?

Love,

J

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J,

I think your communication was pretty clear on Sunday when you called me a slut again and again and again. Your body language was also VERY clear.

It's going to take a long time for me to get past that.

You need to back off. I received 3 emails, 57 texts, and 5 phone calls from you yesterday, after you repeatedly told me you were going to give me some space. I realize there are some things we need to talk about, but that's just too much right now.

Get over it...

Now I'm getting pissed.

After everything that my husband has put me and my kids through these last 7 years, he thinks he is entitled to harass me. He thinks I should feel bad. He thinks that it's my fault. Everything is always my fault.

His Felony conviction. His having to do community service. His lashing out at me yesterday. His relapse. His having to live somewhere else. Everything is always my fault.

And I just wonder when he will grow up, be a man, and leave it alone.

We are separated. And we are separated because of his actions.

All day long he has been calling and texting me. And I'm fucking tired of it. I'm not the one who fucked up here. I'm tired of hearing how hard this is for him.

The last seven years have been hard for me. All of them.

So, as he has repeatedly told me, GET OVER IT!!!!