Reading the Bible

This morning I had a total meltdown. Last night, the dog barfed all over the place, my daughter continually is pooping and peeing her pants and nothing else seemed to be going right. But I managed. We went to bed and I slept.

It's funny how some days you can take it all and other days you just can't.

But I woke up this morning to the same stuff, and then my daughter said to me, "Does your dad do crack?"

I looked at her and was like, "WHAT??!!"

She smiled and said, "Crack. Drugs."

I asked her where she heard that and she said her dad told her.

I told her my dad does not do drugs. I left it at that.

When I repeated the story to my husband, first he thought it was funny and then he gave me a lecture. And then I lost it.

Who is he to give me a lecture about anything? Where has he been? I was supposed to be on my Vegas Vacation this week, that he bought me for my birthday. But I didn't go. I can't leave my kids now. They are a mess. And there is barely money to pay our bills so it seems insane to me to go anywhere. But that didn't stop him from going to San Francisco for the weekend with his buddies. And I told him, "If anyone should be going on vacation right now, its me." I am beyond exhausted from dealing with all this crap.

But I'm just gonna have to suck it up.

In the midst of all that, my son let the dog out, who desperately needed to be groomed, and we had to look for him for 15 minutes that we didn't have and I just started crying.

So it seems that sucking it up isn't working, but I'm trying.

I got on my husband's case about spying on me and he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. He said he just happened to be driving by when I got home on Sunday, which is probably the most insulting lie he has ever told me.

Then he said that he doesn't read the blog anymore and I told him he did last week. At this point, I don't care.

He sent me this ridiculous Bible verse today: "A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17" A few texts after he told me to "Get off my fucking back!!!!"

Why is he sending that to me? Look at yourself! And since when does he read the Bible? Seems to me he's too busy reading my blog!

Reading the Blog

I have been hesitant to write because I am tired of having what I write come back to me from my husband and thrown back in my face based on his interpretations. I think I have been clear with him and I think what I write has been clear and honest. But it seems like my husband manipulates and distorts things to how he wants to hear them. This blog is about my reality. Not his.

He asked about the AA leader reading my blog yesterday and I said I don't care if he reads it. He can read it if he wants to. He said something about how I am so harsh and hateful towards him. I think I just write how I feel and that I am entitled to my feelings. I think I am entitled to an outlet and that I went out of my way to be discreet and anonymous and he went out of his way to find it and read it even after he promised he wouldn't.

And then he wonders why I don't trust him.