Whores

I had a thought today. I started the blog under a pen name so it would be anonymous, protect my privacy - mostly from my ex-husband - and his and his father's anonymity. But since my ex is reading the blog, and it no longer seems to be anonymous by any means, I am thinking that I should just use my real name.

I have nothing to be ashamed of. Why not?

I received another 100 text messages from my ex-husband today. Most of them consisting of calling me a "tramp" and a "whore", or something along those lines.

I decided to look back at one of my favorite, empowering books: Cunt.

I spent most of my life living as a "good girl." I did all the things I was supposed to do. This did not protect me from being called a cunt, bitch, whore, tramp or whatever else when I was not doing whatever a certain man in my life thought I should be doing.

I am really intrigued by the idea of language and how we use our words to control people. This book was one of the more enlightening books I have ever read.

Cunt: a declaration of independence by Inga muscio


"Whoredom is a massive part of our history and power as women. When fully instructed in the art of sacred sexual power, Whores are the people who can teach us all the stuff we grow up not learning about sexuality, our bodies and our innate sexual power. Our cultural ignorance and intolerance of Whores keeps Whores from realizing the full potential of Whoredom. It likewise robs women and men of Teachers who can help us understand women's sexual power." (78)

"Whores were a central part of religion, spirituality and everyday life in times when the Goddess- a truly sexual being- was overtly worshiped. It took a lot of work, study, devotion and commitment to become one of the Goddess's sexual priestesses. People were free to visit the temple of Whores, and did so to learn, to love, to open up physically, to heal." (78)

"Mary Magdalene was a Whore and Jesus dug her because she taught him the most sacred thing a man can ever hope to learn in his lifetime: how to fuck. Stud that he was, Jesus knew how to humble himself to this woman. In Jesus' time, Whores were still prophets of sexual power. They taught people how the physical body is a conduit of energy. If Jesus was able to manifest the love in his heart in all the physical actions the bible alleges, Mary Magdalene was certainly one of the people in his life responsible for helping him figure out how to do it." (81-82)

"The measure of respect Whores receive is in direct proportion to the measure of respect all women receive. Until there is an established, respected place for Whores in this society, no woman will have an established, respected foundation of power.

Until there is a shift in consciousness about the potential of Whores, we will continue to live in a society which offers no formally acknowledge Teachers to awaken us to our power as sexual beings." (92)

Again,

"The measure of respect Whores receive is in direct proportion to the measure of respect all women receive. Until there is an established, respected place for Whores in this society, no woman will have an established, respected foundation of power.

Money Talk

I met with my husband this morning about our finances. I didn't really see the point of the meeting because we have the same expenses we have and we have already cut them down as much as can be cut. But he apparently wanted to ask me about a divorce so we talked about that too.

He told me that he wanted me to be able to stay with the kids but I'd have to get a job. He also told me he'd give me so much per month until the divorce went through but then a judge would just go off a matrix to determine my support payments and I wouldn't get very much money. Again, all stuff I know.

I get exhausted by discussing the same things over and over again. Just talk, make a decision and move on.

He keeps asking me the same questions over and over.

Once again the kids take the brunt of his bad decisions. They always take it. He and his family can talk 'til the cows come home about all their BS AA rhetoric about making amends and doing the next right thing. By their actions, they don't give a damn about these kids.

He also talked about my secret online life. I reminded him that I had used a pen name to protect his and his dad's anonymity. He told me I could use my real name. I guess his and his family's actions are not embarrassing to them.

Tuition for my sons school is due Monday. (At least the first payment.) We shall see what happens. I don't have high hopes for anything anymore. I asked my son this morning, theoretically, how he would feel about going to the Muslim School instead and he teared up. Very depressing to see that but that has always been my back up plan. He needs the small school environment and I know they would watch him carefully. I want him to stay in the same school once he starts. And I don't know where we will end up living. So whatever happens now I'm at peace with it. I have done my part and it's in God's hands now.



"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. --Jeremiah 29:11

Reading the Blog

I have been hesitant to write because I am tired of having what I write come back to me from my husband and thrown back in my face based on his interpretations. I think I have been clear with him and I think what I write has been clear and honest. But it seems like my husband manipulates and distorts things to how he wants to hear them. This blog is about my reality. Not his.

He asked about the AA leader reading my blog yesterday and I said I don't care if he reads it. He can read it if he wants to. He said something about how I am so harsh and hateful towards him. I think I just write how I feel and that I am entitled to my feelings. I think I am entitled to an outlet and that I went out of my way to be discreet and anonymous and he went out of his way to find it and read it even after he promised he wouldn't.

And then he wonders why I don't trust him.

The Reader

It is official. My husband has been reading the blog. He admitted it tonight at dinner. The story about the single dad at the park got to him.

One more broken promise.

Not surprising. Just one more.