Letting Go

I recently let go of a friendship that was toxic for me. I have known that for years, and have even let go a few times before. But I always came back with forgiveness because it has been a long-standing friendship of 22 years.

In my gut, I knew the friendship was bad. It was completely dysfunctional in almost every way. But it sucked me in - mostly because I have needed a lot of support these last few years with my situation with my husband.

Looking back, I realize that I have leaned on someone who never had my best interest at heart and who often gave me bad information.

It has been a sad week for me of letting go. But ultimately I know that this is for the best.

When you hold on so tightly to the bad, there is no room for the good. Our friendship was a weed that was taking over my life.

Weeding out what doesn't support our values

I have been doing a lot with weeding out all my extras in my life these last few years. It started several years ago with the budget. I thought months ago I was down pretty good, but I decided last night there was more I could cut. I want to be comfortable, without the stress of worrying every month. No "extra" is worth that.

Every night, I read to my kids. Usually I get a few good books in, but a lot of it is "junk". It struck me last night that I am the parent and I have more control than I give myself credit. After the kids went to bed, I took all of the books out that I didn't feel represented my values. That was most of them. I put them under my daughters bed for now, and if there is a major meltdown about one or two, they might magically reappear. But my kids are bombarded with messages that don't support their growth, and books should be a more positive aspect.

I am also getting rid of the cable. These last few weeks especially, I have noted that my kids are always asking for things. And they always want food that is not good for them.

I have been tired and overworked as a single mom, so a lot of this has slid, especially lately. But not anymore.

Hold On

My dear friend T sent me this a few days ago. He found it as he was going through his partner's things, who recently passed. I thought it was beautiful.

Hold on to what is good
even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe
even if it is a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do
even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life
even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand
even when I have gone away from you.

-Pueblo Verse